I Heart Camping

I mentioned in a previous post that I have recently joined an online dating site. It's funny. Even writing that I'm doing the online dating thing makes me wince a little and hold my breath while I write the words. But I digress. This post is directed at the men on the site. Yes, I know they aren't reading this post and the likelihood that this message will trickle down is slim to unlikely, but I cannot let another day go without saying something. I owe it to myself and other like-minded girls who are daring enough to wade through the murky waters of online dating to try and address this all-important topic.

Here goes...

It appears that 99.9% of the men within a 30 mile radius of Salt Lake City, between the ages of 28 and 42 love to camp and to hike. About 80% of these men love to four-wheel, hunt, fish and do other "manly" outdoor activities. Now I know you men are trying to be honest, but really? You think the best way to attract a woman is to state, in the first lines of your greeting that you essentially enjoy sleeping on the most uncomfortable surfaces known to man, while being smelly and dirty? Really? That isn't sexy or appealing. Honestly. 

It is confusing to me, it truly is. I don't heart camping. I do it and actually like it for, oh, 3 days max, but love it? Not a chance. Apparently every man has been told that this is the best way to a woman's heart. But all I read is that if I choose him, I'll have to suffer the pain of days and days of camping and riding in the bumpiest car while four-wheeling. No. Thank. You. Somewhere these men were led astray. Very astray.

Booty Call

Yes, I got a booty call offer the other night. At 11:48 pm, I got a text asking me to come over to watch a movie. Seriously? I had to stop and question, how old are we??? Admittedly, I did not shy away from these offers during high school and even the first years of college, but now? Come on. Make it a little less obvious and maybe, I'll respond ;). 

So I suppose I should admit that after the offer (which I did reject), I shouldn't feel so rejected. I'll take whatever positive reinforcement I can get.

Dealing with Rejection

So I joined ldssingles a little over a month ago. It came on the heals of a breakup with a guy I had only dated a couple of months and I decided I needed to get myself out there again and quickly. The positive results were instantaneous (albeit from 60+ year olds) but then guys my age started contacting me and it felt good. I had about 7 guys I was actively 'messaging' and things were looking positive. Then a month passed and one by one they stopped replying and I was left with just 3 guys and still, none of them had asked to meet me. Odd.

Now comes the rejection. Online dating is like being rejected at the biggest party you have ever been to by every man at the party. It wears on me emotionally; especially when I make the initial contact, see that the guy looked at my profile and then decided I just wasn't worth it. It sucks. And it keeps happening. Am I really that unappealing to every man out there in ldssingles land? Okay, okay, not every one of them. I still get the occasional 'flirt' or 'message' from a guy I just am not interested in even remotely. But it still feels awful. I'm being rejected on a grand scale and I hate it.

Rejection is never easy to deal with. Preempting rejection is one reason why I tend to stay away from parties and dances. I should have preempted the online dating rejection and not signed up. It sucks.

Busting a move

I'll be honest. I'm definitely not one of those girls who is comfortable making the first move, or the second, or third... In fact, it takes me a while before I am comfortable taking the initiative. It is really hard for me to feel comfortable in that arena. So, I understand that guys have a problem with it too. Still, I have found that this moment can be so incredibly awkward and some guys just are far too methodical or not methodical enough. For example...

Example #1
I dated a guy for a while who was SO methodical. Yet, our first kiss was spontaneous and amazing. After that it went downhill, then up then down and then, well, we broke up.

Here was a typical night. If I were at his place, he would tell me I could have a seat (because we were talking or watching a movie). He always let me sit first. Then he would seat himself not next to me, but as far on the other side of the couch as he could get. Then, about 15 or 20 minutes into the movie or the conversation, he would pull me over to him and we would cuddle. Then, after 15 or so minutes of that, he would bust the kiss move. Very methodical and I could almost set a timer as to when each move would happen. I think because it was so staged, it was hard for me to relax and just be in the moment, which in turn, made many of the kisses a bit awkward and lacked that first kiss chemistry.

If we happened to be in his car, there was a method. First, he would take off his seat belt and lean back on his door to talk to me. Then he would take a deep breath and then make the move. Again, too methodical to make it as exciting as it could have been.

Honestly, when it came down to it, I just wanted to make out so the whole "staged production" bit didn't bother me, until we broke up. Then I started thinking about it. Really? After a couple of months he couldn't just relax? I wonder what was in his head each time. Was it "okay, she sat down. I need to wait a few minutes before I can cuddle or put my arm around her." Then "great, she didn't reject my move so if I wait long enough I can kiss her." Was he listening to what we talked about or was he calculating each move? I wonder. But if anyone knows this guy simply by my description of his 'method of busting a move' I encourage you to tell him to loosen up and just dive in. It worked for the first kiss, and it will work for all the rest of the kisses. I promise.

Example #2
This example is shorter -don't worry. It involves the guy who says "come on, just kiss me." Are you serious? You think that will work? (Yes, it does work, at least on me, sometimes, I admit). But it shouldn't work. There is no tact, no delicacy, no... romance. That's it. Nothing but a kiss, that again is admittedly fun, but is lacking.

There is something about that awkward moment before a first or even second kiss; before you get each other and know you won't be rejected. I love and hate that moment, but love it more because it has that moment of awkward anticipation, that moment where you both know it is going to happen and the butterflies are full-on sprinting in circles in your stomach. That moment is great and both tactics -the 'come on, let's kiss' tactic and the uber-methodical tactic take away from that moment. I can't wait for that moment again. I guess that is one advantage to still being single, I know I get at least one more of those moments. I hope it is the ideal kind.