Kissing

Have you ever felt the urge to have a really great kiss so much that it resonated in your belly? I'm having a moment {truth be told I have been having this moment for a while which makes it less of a 'moment' thing and more like a systemic problem}. 

For my married and dating friends out there, you may not remember this urge since you most likely get to kiss to your hearts delight, but this urge is crazy! It makes my heart race just thinking about it and my throat constrict. 

Unlike my all-too-often urge to each chocolate, this urge can't be so easily satisfied. Duh. Some days being single is really not my favorite thing in the world. 

Maybe I should call booty-call guy... ;)

The Big Wish...

This post is dedicated to the right hand ad banner on facebook. It apparently knows me well...

While this post isn't very insightful as to my thoughts or feelings about a future relationship {it being my insightful Wednesday post}, but eventually this will be good information for Mr. whomever to know.

I don't know a lot about what I want my future wedding to look like; other than I want one. But, I have given the ring a lot of thought and am firmly of the belief that I want a good ring, which means, a big one. Will I be satisfied with less? Absolutely. After all, it is about the guy and the marriage and the commitment and not the ring. I get that and actually firmly believe it. 

But, a girl can always wish...

What is my wish? Well, I found the two below pictures quite inspiring. I've read that you should visualize your wants and dreams and they will become a reality. Fortunately I can truly visualize either of these beauties donning the empty space on my left hand. {Sigh}

 

The first one is gorgeous! I've wanted an emerald cut for a really long time. {Not as long as I've wanted a husband mind you, but still, a long time}. There is something so beautiful and so classic and stunning about the cut.  As for the second, it is just beautiful. Need I say more?

So there you have it. My big wish.

Dream {Nightmare}

As anyone in my family will tell you (and likely many ex-boyfriends) I am a vivid dreamer. I remember the most mundane details in dreams. When I was younger, I would tell my family about my dreams and include each little detail from the color of a shirt to what people in the background were doing who didn't play an actual role in my dream. 

Most of the time my dreams are bizarre and make me wonder what is really going on in my head such that I have to nightly decompress and rid my mind of all the useless bits of stress and information overload I take in each day. 

So I had a dream last night. {I promise I won't go into the details such as the color of the table cloths (white with red ribbons) or the time of day (4:48 when I last looked at a clock on the wall)...}

In my dream my family sat me down and told me frankly that they were tired of me being single. So, my wedding was that Saturday. I had 5 days to plan, get a dress, get invitations out, food, and...tell the guy that he had to show up to marry me. Who was this unsuspecting but incredibly lucky man? One of my exes to be exact {let's call him Stan since I've never dated a Stan}.

My family had found a reception hall where the bride who rented it didn't have enough money to rent the whole place and was willing to let me have a portion of the dining hall for a relatively small fee and the insertion of a paper wall. Classy, I know. {Fortunately we had the paper wall or our colors would have horribly clashed my sister told me}. 

I went dress shopping and found the most gaudy dress my mind could dream up and then instead of invitations, we called and emailed a select group of 57 people. 

The day before the wedding I realized I had not yet told Stan. I realized that Saturdays Stan would be teaching skiing and that it was highly unlikely he would show up for our wedding. I didn't call. I didn't tell my family I didn't call. 

The day of the wedding shows up and we decide to eat first because, in a dream you can do whatever you want. All the guests were there and music started to play to announce the happy to-be bride and groom. The doors opened and ... I walked in shaking my head looking down at the ground in a black outfit with a white sash. I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. Apparently,  once again, I had failed to produce a man who would marry me. {I don't remember ever having been in this situation before, but my thought in the dream leads me to believe that my 'dream self' had experienced this humiliation before}.

We all ate, cleaned up and left. 

I woke up in a cold sweat. 

This dream could have lots of meanings. But I choose to interpret it this way: Don't ever let my family rent out part of a reception hall and give me less than 1 week to plan a wedding and inform an unknowing groom he is about to marry me. 

I think I have a pretty good chance at avoiding this dream in real life.

A Little Give and Take

Last night I had dinner with a friend. Somehow we started talking about relationships and we both agreed that a relationship is better when there is mutual give and take. 

When I get into a relationship, I have a lot of fun trying to find ways to give to the guy I am dating. Whether it is cooking a meal, putting dishes away while he is studying, buying a little something for him or writing a note and leaving it on his car, I love to give. But I often forget that I need to receive as well, and I put my needs aside until one day I wonder why I am the only one giving in the relationship. Of course, it would help if I communicated this to the guy before it got to the point where I was disappointed. 

So, there you have it future man in my life. I'd love attention and your giving to me as much as I give to you. That doesn't mean gifts. It means the whole range of giving; from your time, your attention, little things I would appreciate you doing or surprising me with a little something now and then. That's all. Good relationships need that reciprocal give and take and I can't wait until I can give {and take} again.

A little insight

There are so many rules to dating. There is the wait to call rule, the A list and B list rule, the time between dates rule, the exclusivity rule, the when to kiss rule, the gift rule, ... So many rules it is difficult to keep it all straight. And it is also difficult to insert my own personality and my wants and desires into someone else's rules. So I've decided to make a weekly Wednesday post on my rules and expectations. Maybe Mr. Right is reading this blog and it would be helpful to gain a little insight into me. Or maybe it will serve as a sounding board to make sure my rules aren't outrageous and my expectations aren't impossible to meet. 

With that said, here is my first ever Insight Wednesday post.

I must admit. I don't like the rules society has given -especially the one on how I can't show too much emotion too early on. Here's the truth about me. If I'm into a guy, I want him to know it. I don't want him to be scared off, but to be flattered and hopefully, be into me as well. I'm usually a good judge as to when a guy is into me, so I'm not too worried about that. What I don't understand is why a text from me or a call from me out of the blue is a bad thing or rather an unacceptable thing. And can't I say I'd love to go out on Friday without him thinking I'm secretly saying I love him? 

Life is short and moves way to fast the older I get. So why not just go with the flow and do what seems fun and right and that gives me that 'oh my goodness, this just may go somewhere' feeling that is a mixture of excitement and fear all mixed together. 

The gist of it is, if I'm into a guy, I hope he wants to spend time with me as much as I want to spend time with him. And I hope he wants to send me the random text to see how my day is going and not feel worried that he has unwittingly sent me a proposal.

It's Good to Be Reminded

Sometimes you get exactly what you need at that exact moment. I got one of those last night. I got these...

And I got them from a really nice guy. First date and flowers. I know some girls my feel like the guy was trying too hard, but last night, I didn't feel anything but gratitude that a guy would take the time to give me flowers (oh and truffles :)). 

It is good to be reminded that I may be worth flowers occasionally. It is also good to be reminded that little things go a long way in another person's life. I should remember that more often. 

{Side note...family members, please please please don't read into the flowers. They were a nice gesture. Nothing more.}

Lessons Learned

This weekend was a really good one. I got some work done, hung out with friends and family and just tried to relax and enjoy it all. In the end, I think I am ending this weekend having learned a few things.

1. The conference center locks down its garage at about 11:30 pm. Show up at 12:15 am to get your car and you are pretty much SOL, unless you can somehow convince a security guard to let you in and then let you out of the garage. 

2. Getting out of my comfort zone is sometimes not a horrible disaster and sometimes I can meet great people and potential friends.

3. The internet may seem like it is a place where people are faceless and therefore not really real, but the things we put out there have the potential to affect real people with real feelings. Sorry Michael. I removed the poem post. 

4. Going to bed early (like tonight) is not a bad thing and may keep me younger longer {and its free unlike other youth-maintenance remedies}, which is a very good thing.

All in all, I learned some things and met some fantastic people. Here's to a great weekend and many more to come!