Emotions are complicated things. One day I am perfectly satisfied with the course of my life. I've got a great job, a great apartment and overall, I'm quite happy and content. Then the next night I dream about an ex boyfriend and what it would be like to be with him again and I wake up all confused and question whether I have made the right decisions in my life as far as boys are concerned {of course not is the answer -right?}.
The latest episode was brought on by a dream where I was at a party and my first real love was sitting there. {In real life he is married with kids but in my dream he was divorced and no kids}. I kept sneaking glances in his direction wondering if it really was him. It was and he finally broke the ice and walked over to me and we started talking. We didn't talk about anything amazing or earth shattering, it was just a normal conversation. But I woke up feeling that dread that I had made a horrible mistake 12 years ago when I told him I just wasn't ready to be married. {I did that while on a mission which was not the best idea since I was riding the emotional roller coaster of the century at the time I made this life changing decision}. But I digress...
This really isn't a post about the dream or opportunities lost, it is about not understanding how to be 100% satisfied with my life 100% of the time. Maybe I'm putting too many expectations on myself. Does anyone out there have the 100% satisfaction guarantee in their life? Probably not. But getting to a stable place emotionally 100% of the time is far more complicated than I think it should be. Perhaps I should really aim for a 85% satisfaction target and then I will hit that goal since I think I am happy and content with my life about 85% percent of the time. Just so you know, today is a good day. I'd probably rank it above 85%. That's a good thing :).
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