A Little Give and Take

Last night I had dinner with a friend. Somehow we started talking about relationships and we both agreed that a relationship is better when there is mutual give and take. 

When I get into a relationship, I have a lot of fun trying to find ways to give to the guy I am dating. Whether it is cooking a meal, putting dishes away while he is studying, buying a little something for him or writing a note and leaving it on his car, I love to give. But I often forget that I need to receive as well, and I put my needs aside until one day I wonder why I am the only one giving in the relationship. Of course, it would help if I communicated this to the guy before it got to the point where I was disappointed. 

So, there you have it future man in my life. I'd love attention and your giving to me as much as I give to you. That doesn't mean gifts. It means the whole range of giving; from your time, your attention, little things I would appreciate you doing or surprising me with a little something now and then. That's all. Good relationships need that reciprocal give and take and I can't wait until I can give {and take} again.

A little insight

There are so many rules to dating. There is the wait to call rule, the A list and B list rule, the time between dates rule, the exclusivity rule, the when to kiss rule, the gift rule, ... So many rules it is difficult to keep it all straight. And it is also difficult to insert my own personality and my wants and desires into someone else's rules. So I've decided to make a weekly Wednesday post on my rules and expectations. Maybe Mr. Right is reading this blog and it would be helpful to gain a little insight into me. Or maybe it will serve as a sounding board to make sure my rules aren't outrageous and my expectations aren't impossible to meet. 

With that said, here is my first ever Insight Wednesday post.

I must admit. I don't like the rules society has given -especially the one on how I can't show too much emotion too early on. Here's the truth about me. If I'm into a guy, I want him to know it. I don't want him to be scared off, but to be flattered and hopefully, be into me as well. I'm usually a good judge as to when a guy is into me, so I'm not too worried about that. What I don't understand is why a text from me or a call from me out of the blue is a bad thing or rather an unacceptable thing. And can't I say I'd love to go out on Friday without him thinking I'm secretly saying I love him? 

Life is short and moves way to fast the older I get. So why not just go with the flow and do what seems fun and right and that gives me that 'oh my goodness, this just may go somewhere' feeling that is a mixture of excitement and fear all mixed together. 

The gist of it is, if I'm into a guy, I hope he wants to spend time with me as much as I want to spend time with him. And I hope he wants to send me the random text to see how my day is going and not feel worried that he has unwittingly sent me a proposal.

It's Good to Be Reminded

Sometimes you get exactly what you need at that exact moment. I got one of those last night. I got these...

And I got them from a really nice guy. First date and flowers. I know some girls my feel like the guy was trying too hard, but last night, I didn't feel anything but gratitude that a guy would take the time to give me flowers (oh and truffles :)). 

It is good to be reminded that I may be worth flowers occasionally. It is also good to be reminded that little things go a long way in another person's life. I should remember that more often. 

{Side note...family members, please please please don't read into the flowers. They were a nice gesture. Nothing more.}

Lessons Learned

This weekend was a really good one. I got some work done, hung out with friends and family and just tried to relax and enjoy it all. In the end, I think I am ending this weekend having learned a few things.

1. The conference center locks down its garage at about 11:30 pm. Show up at 12:15 am to get your car and you are pretty much SOL, unless you can somehow convince a security guard to let you in and then let you out of the garage. 

2. Getting out of my comfort zone is sometimes not a horrible disaster and sometimes I can meet great people and potential friends.

3. The internet may seem like it is a place where people are faceless and therefore not really real, but the things we put out there have the potential to affect real people with real feelings. Sorry Michael. I removed the poem post. 

4. Going to bed early (like tonight) is not a bad thing and may keep me younger longer {and its free unlike other youth-maintenance remedies}, which is a very good thing.

All in all, I learned some things and met some fantastic people. Here's to a great weekend and many more to come!

I'm a Horrible Person

Ugh! This summer a guy I was totally into ended things out of the blue. He said it just wasn't going to go anywhere. I was shocked since I thought we were really clicking. Apparently we weren't. Today I was the one doing the 'dumping'. We have gone on three dates but it wasn't clicking for me. All our calls and dates have just lacked that spark. Super nice guy, but it just wasn't going to go anywhere. I had to tell him. I feel like the worst person alive right now. I hate this feeling.

It's Complicated

Emotions are complicated things. One day I am perfectly satisfied with the course of my life. I've got a great job, a great apartment and overall, I'm quite happy and content. Then the next night I dream about an ex boyfriend and what it would be like to be with him again and I wake up all confused and question whether I have made the right decisions in my life as far as boys are concerned {of course not is the answer -right?}.

The latest episode was brought on by a dream where I was at a party and my first real love was sitting there. {In real life he is married with kids but in my dream he was divorced and no kids}. I kept sneaking glances in his direction wondering if it really was him. It was and he finally broke the ice and walked over to me and we started talking. We didn't talk about anything amazing or earth shattering, it was just a normal conversation. But I woke up feeling that dread that I had made a horrible mistake 12 years ago when I told him I just wasn't ready to be married. {I did that while on a mission which was not the best idea since I was riding the emotional roller coaster of the century at the time I made this life changing decision}. But I digress...

This really isn't a post about the dream or opportunities lost, it is about not understanding how to be 100% satisfied with my life 100% of the time. Maybe I'm putting too many expectations on myself. Does anyone out there have the 100% satisfaction guarantee in their life? Probably not. But getting to a stable place emotionally 100% of the time is far more complicated than I think it should be. Perhaps I should really aim for a 85% satisfaction target and then I will hit that goal since I think I am happy and content with my life about 85% percent of the time. Just so you know, today is a good day. I'd probably rank it above 85%. That's a good thing :).