Flirting. How the Crap Do I Do It?

This past weekend I attended an all-day seminar put on by a local dating coach. It was a long day. It was made even longer by the fact that the more she spoke the more I realized that I have been LUCKY to get dates and to have boyfriends ;). I'm not a flirt and apparently, the correct flirting is the key to dates. And as we all know, the key to getting married is actually going on dates.

I learned some techniques that will require me actually placing myself in the presence of single men (where and how, I am at a loss but I'll find them if it kills me). What is going to be the hardest part of all this is that what I was taught is so completely unnatural for me and I absolutely know I will make a fool of myself. For example, I am supposed to giggle, speak in a higher pitched voice, play with my hair (which will be more difficult since I just cut it off), laughingly touch his arm and give it a slight squeeze, give little waives and smiles and basically pretend I am 16 and not 35. I'm doomed. No doubt about it.

But, I'm going to make an effort. The next party or singles event I am at, I am going to try at least one new technique and thrust myself out of my comfort zone, even if it is just for 60 seconds or less.

Wish me luck! I truly need it.

Better to Have Loved...

I used to think that the author of the phrase “tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all” was full of it. I’ve lost love and it hurts and sucks and wreaks physical and emotional havoc on me. But last night I changed my mind. I’ve decided I am so lucky to have felt love and to have been loved, especially by some ridiculously amazing guys.

I recently moved and as a result of the move, I brought several books, journals and scrapbooks out of storage. I have slowly been going through them and reminiscing. Last night I pulled out a journal I began in 1996. It briefly described my excitement at being in love for the first time with a great guy. However, the majority of the journal is dedicated to a former boyfriend named Chris Parker. I was head over heels in love with the guy. I wrote about getting butterflies over my whole body when he would smile at me or hold my hand; how he made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl he had ever met; and most importantly, how he was my absolute best friend. I trusted him whole heartedly.

Ours was a rocky relationship due to religious differences, but we were madly in love and wanted it to work out. When it didn’t, I took to my journal to pen ‘drafts’ of letters to him. Many made it to him, but I think most were just an opportunity for me to pour out my heart and try and get over the loss of him in my life. It took me nearly 3 years to allow myself to fall in love again. He was amazing.

I bring this up because as I was reading one letter, I was struck with the poignancy of its application to my life today as it relates to Chris. I wrote how I couldn’t imagine a life without hearing his voice or seeing his quirky little smile. How I would drive by his old apartment and emotions would flood over me; how I couldn’t see a future with no Chris in my life. I wrote about his influence on me and how he helped me grow into a stronger woman and a more confident woman. I wrote about how thankful I was to have had those years with him and how I would never forget them or him. Over and over I wrote how sad it was going to be without him lighting up my life and filling a room with his personality and his love of life.

This particular letter was so poignant because Chris passed away this summer. It has been eight years since we broke up and when I heard the news I felt my heart break all over again. Then when I read the letter last night, I bawled my eyes out but in a good way. Who knew that all those years ago I was writing a letter to myself to help me remember how lucky I was to have had the chance to experience great love and how lucky I was to have known this great man. We are given small blessings in life. My blessing last night was to have found this journal and to have taken the time to re-read its pages. My blessing in life has been to have loved, even though I lost it. 

Enough is Enough?

This year I have experimented with the few dates I have actually had. My experiment was to give each first date that wasn't the most outrageously horrific experience I have ever encountered, a second date. Prior to this experiment my rule of thumb was that I just knew if they were a firm NO WAY sucka! and if they fit that category, no second date. Period. But I have now been giving this 2 date minimum a chance for the past 10 or so months and I have to say, I think my former rule was right.

Every time I have had that thought on the first date that there was no way it was ever going to progress, I have pushed the thought aside and made room for the possibility of it might work, right? After all, who isn't nervous on a first date, especially when that date is a blind date or a 'semi-blind only know you from an online dating site' date. Nerves are at an all time high and you want to make a great impression, which usually means you make a less than favorable impression. I get it. But sometimes you just know, don't you? And if you just know, is it more polite to give a second date and therefore give the guy that glimmer of hope that it might work out, or do you just pull the plug right then and there?

Honestly, I have no idea what approach is better. Sure, a free dinner is always a bonus. (Actually just a date is a bonus in my mind so why not take the second). And usually the conversation is good. But is sparing the guy a few bucks for a second date better than letting him think he didn't just waste an evening or a lunch? I haven't a clue.

Do you? Any ideas on what is better? I have yet to go on a second date with a guy I felt was a firm no where I ended up thinking, 'well, maybe'. Have you had one of those? I'm just curious. Do I stick with the experiment or do I go back to my old reliable ways?

13 and counting...

That's the number of people I know who have become engaged since probably June. I have decided not to count anymore since it was getting ridiculous. Only a few of these people knew each other for a long period of time -most, less than a year. What punch are they drinking, because I definitely need a swig of that; or maybe a whole punch bowl full.

Apparently engagements come in waves. This happens to be a wave of tidal proportions! I'm afraid it will rush past me and I'll be left in the tidal pool waiting for the next wave to hit. I'm not trying to be all boo-hoo-ish about this, but its hard not to be. Facebook post after facebook post has boasted of the impending nuptials of so many people that I have wanted to throw my phone and computer off of a very tall building. About a month ago I had 4 straight days of posts by people about getting engaged. Unfair? Absolutely I think.

I have never been married, haven't had a real engagement ring put on my finger. Yet for the past year, every so often during the day I will look down at my bare finger and have a waive of panic that I've lost my wedding ring. Then I realize that I didn't lose it, it apparently lost me and found other willing little fingers to grace. Sad inside.

On a completely different tangent, the date on Friday was good. :)

Somebody Loved

As I was cooking dinner for moi only tonight, one of my favorite songs played on my iPod -"Somebody Loved" by the Weepies. I love the song and the line "you turned me into somebody loved." As I listened I longed for the day when I could look some amazing man in the eyes and know that he had turned me into somebody loved. There is something so incredibly fantastic about knowing someone loves you.

Then as I sat there I realized that I was already somebody loved. I'm loved by SO many people! I have 2 fantastic parents who let me know daily I am loved. I have 7 siblings that I am blessed to have wonderful friendships with and who let me know they love me and I have 15 nieces and nephews who thankfully all love me (even Owen sometimes loves me ;-p).

The thing about life is that it becomes so easy to look at what I don't have. I don't have a husband. I don't even have a boyfriend. I don't have a lot of friends. I don't have a ton of money. I don't, I don't, I don't... But all that becomes irrelevant when I think about what I DO have. I have a lot. I have an abundance in my life. And I'm not just somebody. I've absolutely beeen turned into somebody loved -by all these people...

And these people

Oh and I actually have a date this weekend. Go me!