This year I have experimented with the few dates I have actually had. My experiment was to give each first date that wasn't the most outrageously horrific experience I have ever encountered, a second date. Prior to this experiment my rule of thumb was that I just knew if they were a firm NO WAY sucka! and if they fit that category, no second date. Period. But I have now been giving this 2 date minimum a chance for the past 10 or so months and I have to say, I think my former rule was right.
Every time I have had that thought on the first date that there was no way it was ever going to progress, I have pushed the thought aside and made room for the possibility of it might work, right? After all, who isn't nervous on a first date, especially when that date is a blind date or a 'semi-blind only know you from an online dating site' date. Nerves are at an all time high and you want to make a great impression, which usually means you make a less than favorable impression. I get it. But sometimes you just know, don't you? And if you just know, is it more polite to give a second date and therefore give the guy that glimmer of hope that it might work out, or do you just pull the plug right then and there?
Honestly, I have no idea what approach is better. Sure, a free dinner is always a bonus. (Actually just a date is a bonus in my mind so why not take the second). And usually the conversation is good. But is sparing the guy a few bucks for a second date better than letting him think he didn't just waste an evening or a lunch? I haven't a clue.
Do you? Any ideas on what is better? I have yet to go on a second date with a guy I felt was a firm no where I ended up thinking, 'well, maybe'. Have you had one of those? I'm just curious. Do I stick with the experiment or do I go back to my old reliable ways?
Kara, I don't think there is magic solution for this. Dating is tricky and there is not a formula that works for everyone every time. I guess I would say that when you are on a date with someone, ask yourself, "What qualities about this person will their future spouse love?" and then focus on those qualities and I'll be willing to bet that you will see them differently.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I went on a date with a guy in college 4 times. I did not like him and I could not really see it going anywhere, but I kept saying yes to his dates. Finally, he quit calling me and started dating someone else. I'll be honest that I was very jealous and I wanted him to give me a second chance. Suddenly, I realized that I was able to focus on his great qualities rather than the handful of things that bugged me.
He broke up with his girlfriend a few months later and I got that second chance. The second time around was so much better. We dated for a few months and it was great. I didn't marry him, but he did make me happy. If I hadn't given him a real second date, I would have never known.