Manic.

Being single sometimes feels like I am a bit bipolar. The highs are amazing and the lows are, well, low. And the lows really suck. I think it is really interesting that being with or without a person in my life can influence my mood so drastically. And that even when I’m with someone I can still have these lows. Maybe I’m the only person it affects this way, but I doubt it {or at least I like to think I’m not the only one}.

These past few weeks have really been amazing. I’ve been dating some truly great guys and having the time of my life. I’m taking advantage of riding the highs that come with dating and trying with all my might to avoid the lows that sometimes come with dating…those lows that come with the all-too-common female problem of over analyzing every relationship.

Like an earlier post stated, I’m trying more to live in the present, which means I am also trying not to over think the dates or what the guys are thinking, or what I’m thinking for that matter. Relationships take time to develop {unless you are my brother and sister in law} and I am okay with taking things one day at a time and not predicting what next month or even next week holds in store for me. {Really, I am okay with the uncertainty…I just keep telling myself this and taking a deep breath}. So far so good. I have made necessary adjustments with certain guys and am taking things one day at a time.

I think figuring out how to accept that there is just no way to predict the future, or even to figure out what guys are thinking, is a key in stabilizing the manic side of dating and being single. Granted, I am writing this at a high point, but I think it is at these high points that we can shape the severity and trajectory of our inevitable {maybe not so inevitable} lows. 

Maybe I’m on to something.

We'll see.

foot. in. mouth.

I have a problem. Sometimes its a big problem. It mostly comes out in a work environment but with the increasing frequency I am spewing out words I later regret, I am worried it will trickle {or rather pour} into my personal and dating life. 

I had a big foot in mouth issue this morning with a colleague. Crap! I'm eating it right now and don't know how to quite make amends. I really hope this doesn't become a bigger and bigger problem where I am putting my foot {leg and arm} in my mouth with guys I am interested in.

{Sigh...}

Living in the present {as a biker chick}

For those of you who know me, you know that this past weekend I did something I never thought I would actually do. I went on a full blown motorcycle tour. Yep. Did it. Me. And it was a-freakin-mazing! I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Seriously.

A couple friends of mine invited me to join them for a 4-day biker adventure. I was hesitant at first since the whole “you can die” and “there is nothing between you and the road” thoughts kept running through my head, along with pictures of the results... But I decided, why not?!? And I’m so happy I did it.

I’m trying to live more in the present. One of my New Year resolutions for 2011 was to take more control of my life and to live in the now and not look back or too far forward. I seem to get stuck in the “what if” of life as far as past choices and then trying to predict the “what if’s” of the future. It gets really tiring and very difficult to live like that; and really it’s so utterly unproductive.What happened is gone and what is going to happen is really going to be far more shaped by my choices and actions today so why not just live life and enjoy it?

The weekend was great in so many ways. First, I did something entirely new and unexpected. We took scenic roads and traveled in a group of 3 motorcycles and I was geared up from head to toe (yep, even leather chaps ;) –which I learned really do keep you warm). I felt totally Bad-A. {I think I looked it too with my fake tat sleeve and spike bracelet.} 

Second, I was with people I knew a little but had never really spent a lot of time with them. Normally in those situations I am a bit reserved and try to make a really great impression. But in light of my goal, I decided to really make an effort just to be myself –including all my less glamorous and geeky traits. 

Third, I let myself have fun, real fun without holding back. 

I cannot remember a trip that I’ve had where I had so much fun and where I felt really bonded and connected with the people I was with. I lived in the present so much more than I normally allow myself to. I let it all hang out and you know what? I learned that I’m happier and more content with myself when I’m not trying so freaking hard all the time. And it turns out people understand our {my} flaws and our {my} quirks a lot more than we {I} give them credit for. 

Crazy how when we allow others to see us for who we really are, it turns out that we can be far more accepting of the quirkiness or "flaws" of others. Living in the present has turned out to be a fantastic goal that has reaped major benefits … and it’s only February! Can’t wait to see what is next :). 

All Smiles

All smiles. That is what I was the other day when a cute guy sent me a little something. It wasn’t huge or expensive or rare –it was a cookie. But he thought of me and that absolutely made my day. A co-worker walked in as I was texting to say thank you and she stopped and said, "now that's a big smile". Yeah, I was grinning.

Sometimes I get caught up in the wants of life and the expectations of big things, but in reality, it’s the simplest of gestures that bring the biggest smiles to my face sometimes. Just knowing he thought about me was enough. 

It’s a good reminder for my interactions with that Mr. Future Someone. And hopefully, that Mr. Future Someone will bring lots of smiles with simple gestures. It’s the small things that really may make the biggest difference, don’t you think?

{By the way, yes, it was a yummy cookie ;))

Valentines Day Remix

This is a strange day for us single people. It comes and goes and there is that little bit of angst that accompanies with the reminders of flowers, love, chocolates and romance. But this year I decided that was going to be a great day. After all, I have love in my life, even if it isn’t the romantic kind.

People have re-named this day “Single Awareness Day” in an effort to emphasize how lousy this day makes ‘us singles’ feel. But think about it. Yeah, singles don’t have a significant someone who is making them feel gloriously special today, but we have a lot of stuff {hopefully} going on in our lives. We have friends, an element of freedom married people don’t have {which, let’s be honest, is a really really great thing sometimes}, jobs, time and family.

My sister wrote on her blog “Valentines…Not just for lovers.” She’s married with fantastic kids but she gets that it is more than what is often hammered into us by the media, stores and even family and friends. It really isn’t just for lovers and I’m not just saying that to make myself feel better.

The Valentines day symbol is the heart. It’s a symbol to help us recognize the love we DO have in our lives. Instead of feeling blue today for what I don’t have, I am so grateful for all the love I do have in my life. I’m loved by family and friends. I firmly believe that the more open I am to feeling the love of those around me, the happier I will be and in turn will be more open to loving others and loving that hopeful future man in my life. My heart is tied to the hearts of so many others. How could this day not be amazing?

Quoting one of my favorite childhood movies “Don’t you just love, love?” (Savanna Smiles). Yes, as a matter of fact I do just love love.

Laughter

I’m a fan of laughing. Who isn’t, right? {Actually I know a couple attorneys who appear to have lost their sense of humor completely}.

I think I am not a-typical when I say that if a man is not so incredibly great looking when I first meet him, but he turns out to be funny and nice, he is suddenly that much better looking to me.

Honestly, I’m not a very funny person. Many of my siblings and a few of my in-laws are really the funny ones. Somehow I didn’t get the funny gene. {Perhaps that is why I am in my chosen profession –we are the brunt of jokes, not the jokers}. This is why it is absolutely necessary that I end up with someone who makes me laugh. Days are so much better when you know there is a good chuckle around the corner and even better when it is a cry and wet your pants sort of humor.{Yes, I have actually wet my pants laughing before -as an adult}.

So basically, Mr. Whoever you are, please be funny. I promise I’ll laugh enough to make you think you are the funniest man on the face of the earth. Promise.

Just "Friends"

I recently had to move a guy over into the “just friends” category. {I should note here that he had already put himself there but wasn’t acting like it –see Day Late post}. He begrudgingly acknowledged that it was the only place we could be since he wasn’t either 1) willing to break up with his girlfriend or 2) be emotionally prepared to be anything but friends even if he did break up. We enjoy hanging out so the only real next move for us was to become friends.

What has been interesting is that I actually really like being friends with this guy. He was having a hard night last night so I invited him over and we strategized about how to make his relationship better. It works out well because, hey, I’m a girl and I think like a girl and can tell him what a girl would possibly think about a given situation. And I get to see how guys think about certain things. It’s a win-win in my book.

{Now I know you are thinking that this has the potential to turn into a bad situation with feelings developing on either side that may not be reciprocated…but for now why think about that?}

I don’t think every guy should be in the “friend” category –that would be dumb. But having a guy friend is really refreshing. I don’t feel the need to impress him and can just be myself. Coincidentally he is getting to know me better than a lot of other guys I am interested in. I think every single girl needs a good guy friend.

four dates. four guys. one week.

On New Year’s Eve this year I read my 2011 love & romance horoscope. One thing it told me was that for years now Neptune has been invading my sign and impeding my ability to find love. Phew! I was not to blame in any way for my lack of finding marriage these 12+ years since my mission. Pesky Neptune was clearly the culprit of all my love woes and he is finally movin’ on out…

{It's fitting that Neptune was impeding my love life. After all, it is known as the ice giant and it has a fragmented ring system. Anything with a giant icy heart that despises rings is bound to disrupt love.}

I had high hopes in January for love finally being successful for me ;). But it was a slow month at best for dating. Turns out that it took about a month for Neptune to make his full escape. Then voila! Just like that, February entered with a bang. Four dates, four guys, one week. That is a record for me. Two were second or third dates to boot. I’m just excited to know that guys are interested enough in me to go on a second date. Hooray for pesky Neptune’s exit!!!

So do I believe in horoscopes? Not so much, but I will embrace the exit of Neptune whole heartedly if it continues to reap the potential benefits in the love department… maybe I actually like Neptune now.

{YELL}

Dear reader, you better close you ears because I need to yell...

Mr. Future Man...

Where the heck are you???

That's all. I just need to know.